Less Thinking, More Doing

jeboody here. Well, it’s been a while since one of us posted. I’ve lost track of time here in SE Asia so I don’t really know how many days we were in Ho Chi Minh City aka HCMC – roughly less than a week. A good amount of stuff happened there so hope you like reading, suckazzzz!

From PP to HCMC
So it was up to me to choose our bus company to HCMC. After reading some reviews, but mostly after seeing a shiny new bus by Sapaco Co on the street, I went with Sapaco. Big mistake. We got an old bus with less than desirable service – damn Vietnamese bus company. Mekong Express, a Cambodian company, would have probably been much better, as they are known for their service. So if any of you ever take a bus from PP->;;HCMC, go with Mekong Express!

I was stuck behind this. He eventually reclined his seat so I could get a better view…what a thoughtful guy.

Well the bus ride was super shitty. It was hot, cramped, and it took forever since we had to spend a good amount of time at the border to go through immigration. There were some interesting sights though…
Our bus got on a ferry to cross a river (Mekong river?). Pretty interesting, as a bunch of vendors ALSO got on the ferry and were hawking at everyone.

Another view from the ferry. Nice day.

SE Asian bus companies have millions of affiliated rest stops. This dog would not stop looking sad.

Closeup. So sad 😦

“Good story, jeboody”. Moving on…

Braanhhh!!! Brannhhbanhh brannhranbrnan bhrnabhhhh Brrrannhhhh!!!
PP was pretty fun but we were definitely looking forward to a bigger city. Hello, Saigon, city of the motobikes & honking. It’s pretty impressive just how many motobikes there are, and even more impressive how much everyone honks here. It’s really quite funny – I’m pretty sure every bus I’ve ridden in Vietnam, the bus driver is honking non-stop at anything and everything. Some of the vans/busses have clown car horns…no lie.

We stayed in District 1 in the tourist area. Shit tons of Europeans, and mostly young ones (yayyy I feel old). It was basically like the Khao San of Saigon. Nothing against that, but it’s not really the experience I like when I’m traveling (jk fuck them!!).
Sitting on the sidewalk and drinking was really popular in the tourist area, and in general all of Vietnam.

Well, we spent the vast majority of our time in HCMC exploring the various districts, looking for food, and getting massages. Did some culture stuff aka museums blahblah. Oh, the massages. That’s the only interesting part worth retelling- the food is at the bottom in pictures.

Touch me down there
Justtt kidding, that did not happen. Well, maybe by accident (there may have been an incidental elbow brushing for Marvin). Anyway, it must have been that we decided that we deserved massages after walking and eating around all day (Arghh….such fatties). We tried to find a massage place near our hostel, but all the “massage” places in the tourist area have scantily clad girls making googly eyes…with their big, exposed eyes can’t stop staring…ahem, so we skipped those. Can’t a bro just get a shoulder rub?? Srsly now.

Oh, side story about sex hawkers. (Sorry for the explicitness, mom & dad, and please don’t talk to me about it when I go home). They come in a couple varieties.

Back to our search for a legitimate massage. We gave up on our area for a massage and went with a recommendation from a friend of a friend. A legit place, finally! Well, looking back, we should have realized something was going to be unusual about our massage since the second our masseuses entered there was nonstop giggling. Basically, they flirted/teased us nonstop. Mine was the shy but protective girl, and Marvin’s was more direct & aggressive; anytime Marvin’s tried to touch me, mine would defend me. Bad cop good cop act? Keep in mind this is a public room with other customers in there. Anyway, let me try to recount what they did to us…
-Many “i love you’s” (is that proper syntax), in various languages
-giggling. oh man, so much giggling
-tickling
-staring (a la tranimal)
-a lot of nipple pinching
-chest grabbing
-pulling down of shorts
-put a hot stone deep in Marvin’s butt crack. shit is hot
-ear grabbing
-making me poke marvin & vice versa
-some other masseuse started staring since there was a lot of commotion
-the massages here involve a lot of stepping on and using knees on the back. So they’re basically straddling us except we’re face down. It was…interesting.
-hahaha, oh yeah, Marvin’s did not believe his name was “Marvin”.

Well, I’m glad my glasses were taken off right from the start, since I probably would have been a lot less receptive to all this if I could see properly. Yes, I’m mean.

Marvin would later find out from some expats he met that they had similar experiences (the nipple pinching) and that we basically got subtly (or not) solicited for boom boom. Well now it all makes sense. We just thought they were trying to get more tip. Ha, we didn’t get the hint so suck on that massage lady! Oh wait…nevermind, don’t do that.

We actually did find some good massage places, but that’s not really interesting to talk about now is it.

Saigon salons
So the last thing we wanted to try was a haircut/shampoo/head massage combo. Well, we didn’t really need haircuts so we just went to try & find a place to get a shampoo. For those of you who have gotten haircuts in Asia, you know that the shampoos are pretty damn awesome with the massage…so stop judging! I just want my hair did.

Another interesting thing about Vietnam is that many salons do not actually have haircuts; they are just fronts for a massage place and a hostess bar. They have VIP rooms where you can watch TV, hang out with whatever girl you pick, and even ask her to go get you food. According to the internet, there are also many salons where you can get some extra services as well, but C’MON GUYS we’re not about that, okay?? That’s for all the old white males we see in SE Asia.

We walked by some salons and sure enough, there are a bunch of young ladies in skimpyish clothing hollering. After doing some research, we find out that, actually, these are legit places and there’s no hanky panky going on. Sounds good to us pure & wholesome boys! Unfortunately, by the time we left our hotel, they closed. It was like 10pm too – very surprising, but another sign that these places offer legitimate services. We walked around anyway and luckily enough, managed to find one that was still open. Sweet! Hair wash/massage is on!

90 minutes pass, and we walked away fairly disappointed. These girls had no idea what they were doing. The hairwash was all scratch, zero massage. Plus, there was a pimple near my hairline so she was scratching the shit out of it. Ouch. I did manage to get this picture though:
Almost every massage includes cucumbers

Our “masseuses” could not speak English at all, so that didn’t help at all. Well, after the mediocre shampoo, we were lead upstairs to what I was assuming was the body massage portion. Once we got upstairs, though, we were put into separate rooms. Uh oh. I conferred with Marvin about what we should do, and neither of us really knew. Thankfully, despite our worrying, nothing happened. It was pretty awkward since we couldn’t communicate with our masseuses at all, so it was just a crappy silent massage in a tiny ass room. At least I got some winter melon tea out of it.

Well, I’m tired of recalling shit that happened last week, so that’s it for now. On to the picturessszzzszzz

HCMC illustrated

Hu Tieu something. Decent…too bad I don’t like liver.

Signal21 had some beef hotpot. Sour.

Lotus flower salad. Tasty

Enjoying some street sinh to (fruit shake) on the sidewalk. I had a trwaeerbrrrr[sic]-banana shake; Marvin got an aberrrrrrrcado[sic]-durian shake. First time trying durian and god, I do not like durian. I only had 2 sips and my farts/poo were mad smelly (as if they needed a boost in that department). Oh heeyyyy ladiessss

Saigon, mecca of fashion collabs

From the roof of Diamond Plaza

Banh xeo

Xoi ga. Delicious fried onion bits.

Bun thit nuong. Omg the pork was fucking amazing.

Bombass pho @ Pho Le

Caught in the act. @ Com Tam Moc

People throwing money out their window. WHY??? Someone please tell me.

War vet was our tour guide @ Cu Chi Tunnels. I am so glad I brought my headphones. Telling somber stories nonstop. I know it’s a sad situation but still…

Shrimp dish at Com Nieu SaiGon. DELICIOUS.

The claypot rice @ Com Nieu SaiGon

Really tasty banh mi, forgot name of place.

Ah, love bakeries. Ate so much stuff from here.

They love their tinyass stools. At a random com tam place…mediocre.

Visited the Mekong Delta

Shot from our boat

Snake wine

Rice paddy hats aw yeah

In a tunnel @ Cu Chi Tunnels. They are ridiculously narrow and confined.